just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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