There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
