Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
