I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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