Screwed.edu
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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