Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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