she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
