Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
