its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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