Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
