If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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