Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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