You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
