Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
