I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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