Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
