I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I still have a little drunk in my system
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
