I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
