she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
