worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
