I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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