There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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