My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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