I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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