My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
