PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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