he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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