Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
