I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
