whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
