the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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