Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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