Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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