Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
