i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
