So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
