Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
