you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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