You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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