And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
