you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
