your parents love me but you hate me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
