Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
