he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
