I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
