Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
