after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
