the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
