Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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