You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
