Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
