if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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