Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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