omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
