I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
