Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
