That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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