My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
