I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
