You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
