my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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