Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
