my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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