Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
