Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
