she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
