Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
