i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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