I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
