I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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