I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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