they need to just BURY HIM!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
